Where have you been?

I realize that I haven't posted anything in a while and I really don't have a very good reason as to why. I have actually had quite a few very good ideas to plant in the garden but just didn't get around to doing it. Here are some of the things I've been thinking about the last few weeks:

ebay
I am sure you have all heard about the woman who sold a ten year old piece of grilled cheese that contained an image of the virgin Mary. What I need to ask is how does anyone know what the virgin Mary looked like? It could actually be anybody - Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Mona Lisa or some old hag that live in the middle ages and died of the bubonic plague. If I would have written an entire Blog about this topic I would have pointed out that the word 'virgin' has changed its denotation and connotation over time. I would have also noted that the King James version of the Bible had many errors including one that stated Moses had horns. Finally, I would have noted that the shipping and handling for the sandwich was only $9.95.



Kenny Lost
I have said on more than one occasion that I won't try out for Jeopardy until they make it more difficult. But recently I would have loved to go on the show just to beat Ken Jennings. He has won over $2.5 million on the show, but finally lost just the other night. He's a weasly little guy who has some type of job that involves trivia. My theory on why he was so success ful is that, on top of his knowledge, he reached a certain comfort level that his new opponents didn't have. Let's face it, everyone knows at least half of the questions in the first round. It's all about who rings in first and maintains his or her poise in giving the correct answer. Anyway, the little shit lost and I think the only person happier than me is Alex Trebek.



Eliminate the NBA
I openly admit that I am not a fan of the Natinal Basketball Association. I love sports and I enjoy watching basketball games, but I no longer need the NBA in life. From Allen Iverson 'talkin' bout practice' to Latrell Sprewell complaining that he can't feed his family on $14.5 million per year to the latest fight involving Ron Artest and a bunch of fans, the NBA is now out of my life. I don't need it and I won't watch it.



Mommy and Daddy
Chick and I are having a baby. Actually, Chick is having the thing - I have already done my part. It's incredible how ridicluous people act when you tell them you're having a baby. It's as if they never had sex in thier life. And then the questions are just annoying - Do you have any names picked out? Yes, Bonanza. That's what we want to name our kid, Bonanza. Do you want a boy or a girl? Yes, either a boy or a girl would be fine because an hermaphrodite would just be disturbing. I wouldn't know which kind of pull-ups to buy. Were you trying? No Aunt Martha, we were just fucking. Regardless of the idiotic questions, we are extremely happy about starting a family and I am most looking forward to staying home and taking care of my child. That way, we can spend more time in the Garden.