My Desk is a Mess

I have come to hate messes and I do my best to get rid of them. I spend the majority of my days cleaning, vacuuming, wiping, straightening and dusting. But my computer desk is a complete mess right now. There are numerous ways to solve the problem of the messy desk. I could just shove everything into a large green plastic trash bag. I could methodically put everything in its place. I could pour lighter fluid on top of everything and light a match. I could pick up my laptop and go into another room. Or I could write about the mess.

I choose the latter.

There is a light saber on my desk. It's not a real light saber - that's upstairs. It's just a plastic toy one that Chick bought me a few weeks ago. Apparently she was shopping for presents to give to kids at her company's Christmas party and she decided that I needed a light saber. Well, another light saber. I am grateful for the gift and it reminds me of an interview I once read with Samuel L. Jackson. On his first day on the set of the filming for the fourth Star Wars movie he talked about going through wardrobe. They picked out some robes and such and then someone asked him to pick out his light saber. That's when he knew he made it as an actor.

There are two boxes of Christmas cards on my desk. One box has a Peanuts theme, the other is the Grinch. Is it any wonder that the Pilgrims were against Christmas because of its pagan traditions? There is a big story in the news regarding the Seattle airport that took down its Christmas trees. Apparently a Rabbi requested, and threatened to sue, unless a Manorra was placed in the terminal. The airport refused to cave-in to his demands so they removed the trees. My question is, when did the Christmas tree become a religious symbol? The last time I read the Bible, there was no fir tree in the stable. If anything, the Seattle christians should sue that Rabbi for suggesting that their religion is based on pine trees with pretty lights and tinsel!

The scariest thing on my desk is a candle. A Christmas tree candle. It's probably 12 inches tall and has bright eyes and a disturbing smile. I would burn it, but it could take days. And, for that matter, based on its silly grin, the thing might be alive and refuse to burn. It's really very scary. Remind me not to buy any more Christmas decorations at Big Lots.

There is a baseball on my desk. It is an official Major League ball. I caught it. Well, not exaclty. It bounced off of my hands and I grabbed it. Chick, my dad and I were at a business day special a few years ago down the right field line. And someone hit a screamer right at me. The best thing I can say is that I stopped it with both hands. Then it fell in front of me and I picked it up. And for some reason it has been on my desk ever since. And Rawlings is still imprinted on my palm.

There are three crayons on my desk. And a deck of cards. An instruction booklet for a breast pump. My latest E*Trade statement. A Birthday card I need to send tomorrow. A clock that I think is broken. A stack of football cards. A Cracker Jack stamp of Johnny Bench. A cross pen that needs a refill. Numerous notepads. A memory stick. A hockey puck. And a stress ball shaped like the Earth.

Where in the hell does this crap come from?