The American Way

Apparently there has been some hot discussion in political arenas over the new movie Superman Returns. I have not seen the movie so I can only rely on what I have read in the NY Times. It appears that so-called 'right-wing' talk show hosts have issues with what the great American icon has been doing with his life. But before these conservative media superstars tug on Superman's cape there is one thing they should think about - Superman is an illegal alien. And we're not just talking about some guy who swam the Rio Grande. This guy is from another planet. Yes, we all know how the Kent's found the boy and raised him in the town of Smallville. But I would like to take a good look at his birth certificate. Does he have a working visa? Or a green card? In the name of national security I think it would be best if they round up this immigrant and throw him into GITMO where he is presumed guilty until the proper tribunal can be held. Which of course would include a large vat of water and a dunking machine - if he sinks, he's a terrorist.

And don't get me started on Aquaman!

If there is a city of Atlantis - and who am I to suggest otherwise - it would be an ideal place for an off-shore, on-line casino. There are many such sites throughout the internet that provide a place for people to play some entertaining games with their hard earned money. But, once again, the U.S. government is planning on taking that right away from its citizens. And if I were Aquaman, the King of Atlantis, then I would have a serious problem with my ally in the war on terror. What is wrong with the people of Atlantis making a few extra bucks for its children. The days of looting merchant and pirate ships are gone and on-line gambling could be a huge source of income for the small city-state. Nonetheless, congress seems to think it knows where its citizens best spend their gambling dollars: Indian Reservations, State Lotteries, highly taxed racetracks and riverboats and church bingo halls.


There are two major differences in the popularity of Superman versus Aquaman. The first can be seen in the world of music. There are numerous popular songs that deal with the man of steel, including:

I Am Superman by R.E.M.
Superman Song by Crash Test Dummies
Jimmy Olson's Blues by the Spin Doctors
Kryptonite by Three Doors Down

But the only song that I can think of about Aquaman is Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed.

Secondly, Superman has a much better outfit. The royal blue suit with red cape and emlazonned 'S' on his chest shows the man's power. But what does Aquaman get? An orange shirt with green tights. Sure, the whole outfit is Prada but that really doesn't help his case.


I like to think I am a big supporter of our government funded Public Broadcast System. Whenever I see a band I like on Austin City Limits I am sure to hit the internet and download some of their songs. Of course my biggest support comes in the form of the numerous Sesame Street toys we have lying around the living room. But recently I have developed a problem with the Children's Television Workshop. I do not dislike, nor am I bitter towards the little red monster known as Elmo. But there is a serious flaw in the ongoing piece Elmo's World. Elmo has a goldfish named Dorothy and for as long as the show has been running the fish has lived. As adults it is our responsibility to teach our children about death and we all know there is no way a goldfish lives for eight years. One of these days Elmo needs to come home and find Dorothy floating. "Uh-oh. Dorothy dead. Elmo know what to do. Elmo flush Dorothy. Hee-hee." Until our government steps in to stop these lies that my tax dollars pay for I am boycotting Masterpiece Theater!

And don't get me started on Snuffleupagus!