Baseballius

There is a new holiday making its way into the world this spring. It is known as Baseballius (pronounced bās-bôl-ē-əs) and it is the celebration of the opening of the Major League Baseball season. It is intended to take the place of Easter for those who are not religious, don’t like the paganism of that holiday or are just disturbed by the idea that a giant rabbit colors chicken eggs and leaves them in people’s yards.

The date will vary from year to year at the discretion of the MLB Commissioner. However, the primary day will be the first Monday of the season. In recent years, the first game has taken place on Sunday night. That will simply be known as Baseballius Eve. That evening it is the responsibility of every parent to read Casey at the Bat to their children before they go to bed. The story will provide visions of strikeouts and Home Runs dancing in their head.

When the children have finally fallen asleep and long after the final out of the game, the parents hide their children’s ball gloves around the house. It’s okay to let the kids know that the parents hide the gloves. But if you want to add to the mystery of the day, tell your kids that it is the San Diego Chicken who hides all the gifts for the children who have been good. The gloves will be filled with small toys, packs of baseball cards, Cracker Jacks, Peeps and colored eggs. (Chick is okay with the holiday as long as we have colored eggs and Peeps.)

The morning will be filled with shouts of “Play Ball!” as the kids search the house for their glove. “Play Ball” is the traditional greeting for Baseballius. “Happy Opening Day” and “Merry Baseballius” are acceptable as well. And don’t be afraid to give a “Season’s Greetings” as long as you are referring to the baseball season and not a particular religion. Unless you consider baseball to be a religion but I think that is just a Bull Durham thing.

As the kids sort through their cards and watch repeat episodes of SportsCenter the parents prepare for the first game. It would always be preferred to go to an Opening Day game but for most, spending the day in front of the HD TV will suffice. Either way everyone must wear their favorite players’ jersey or at least the team colors.

The Baseballius meal consists of hot dogs, peanuts, soft pretzels, popcorn and cotton candy with root beer for the kids and 20 oz. draft beers for the adults. Depending on the mood, and where the dogs are, it’s okay to drop the peanut shells and, really, all the garbage on the floor just like at a ballpark. Just remember that ketchup and mustard are tough stains to get out of carpet.

At the start of the game it is important for everyone to remove their hat and show respect for the National Anthem. It is not really necessary to sing along but it is a tradition to bet whether or not the person singing will hit the high note on “…the land of the freeeeeee!” If you happen to be in Toronto and are listening to Oh! Canada, well then there is not much you can do other than be happy you aren’t in Montreal.

The first pitch is the high point of the day. If your team is on the field and the first pitch is a strike your team will have a winning season. If you’re at the plate and your first batter gets a hit, your team will have a winning season. If the first pitch hits the batter and breaks a bone then both teams are headed for the cellar.

Unfortunately, the results of the games on Opening Day really don’t mean much. For all of the teams it is just 1/162nd of the season and a single game won’t likely determine a team’s fate. The same can be said for all of the fans. Baseballius is just the beginning of a holiday season that lasts seven months – Christmas is jealous. But the pleasure and happiness of the beginning of another baseball season can’t be matched.

Play Ball!