I'm a day behind in newspapers so I just got to Thursday's crossword and Jumble. I stumbled a bit in the first crossword but I'm 4 beers in the bag. But the Jumble may have been my best ever. I solved it in time that couldn't have been kept on a stopwatch and then got the final answer without reading the clue. Here's what the Jumble looked like:
KAYLE
VOPER
PECAUT
STIVEN
Those answers are LEAKY, PROVE, TEACUP and INVEST. The circled letters were LAPRUPIST. I will admit that at first I was thinking of something with the word 'LIST'. But then I put the P's together and saw STAR PUPIL. The clue was "When he took the astronomy class he became a ____"
Why am I telling you this? Because I can. And I need you to remind me that if I ever go on Jeopardy, or more appropriately Wheel of Fortune, make sure I have a few beers first.
Who was your favorite Batman? Adam West, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney or Christian Bale? If I had to choose I would go with the football player from the Snickers commercials - "I'm Batman!"
I would like to thank Toolspeed for visiting us this afternoon. The two of us have been bickering a bit in email, blogs and web-pages. I consider myself to be victorious since he came to my turf. And I would particularly like to thank my daughter for seriously shitting her pants while Toolspeed was holding her. Way to take one for the team Mo!
The other day I began writing a blog entry about sandwiches. It included topics like Joey's favorite food, peanut butter and cheese, and the art of placing salami. Obviously I never posted it. But in hindsight I should have. If you people are willing to read this crap, and for that matter the Banana Kangaroo story, you would probably enjoy a few words about a great meal.
I am now in last place in our death pool. The only person on my list that has died is Arthur Miller and he was 89. So I have only 11 points. Even if my top pick died (William Rehnquist) I would still need someone else to go in order to have a chance to win. Tomorrow is the birthday of Osama Bin Laden. He was the overall #2 pick in our draft - The Pope was #1. I usually try to do a little birthday tribute for all of the people we have chosen to die. I don't think I will for him.
What's your favorite picture? "Smilin' Mo", "Daddy is a Dork", "Fingers" or "Mo's Guardian"? Check them all out at Mandy is Pregnant! My vote goes to "Fingers".
I'm looking to say more but all I'm coming across is Stem Cell research, the Supreme Court and London terrorists. I think we all just need a good Homer quote. Here's one:
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
Friday, July 29, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
It's so hot...
...chickens are afraid to lay eggs on sidewalks.
...Crayola has just released their new Jumbo Rainbow One Pack.
...ballparks have begun selling Cold Dogs.
...the President's exit strategy for Iraq is starting to make sense.
...Fonzie took off his leather jacket to go water skiing.
...Satan is wearing nothing but a thong.
...Martha Stewart hasn't left her house in months.
...the boy band 98 Degrees has finally sent out an apology.
...polar bears at the zoo are just pissed.
...Pamela Anderson melted.
...Crayola has just released their new Jumbo Rainbow One Pack.
...ballparks have begun selling Cold Dogs.
...the President's exit strategy for Iraq is starting to make sense.
...Fonzie took off his leather jacket to go water skiing.
...Satan is wearing nothing but a thong.
...Martha Stewart hasn't left her house in months.
...the boy band 98 Degrees has finally sent out an apology.
...polar bears at the zoo are just pissed.
...Pamela Anderson melted.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Proof...
...that I have visited weaverfamily.com. It has not been updated since July 5th. Not only is it all photographs, I'm only in one of them! And that was a group picture!
Friday, July 22, 2005
Friday Night with Otis - A Two-a-Day
That's right folks. This is the second posting of the day. I don't need to take any crap from people who don't have anything better to do than read this dribble. So I figure I may as well give you more than you can read.
For those of you that were confused or merely bothered by the Banana Kangaroo story, well too bad. That's the kind of shit that floats around in my mind and I need to let it out once in a while. The process started the other night when Chick brought Mo downstairs in a yellow sleeper outfit. She referred to her as being in a banana suit. The next morning I was feeding Mo in the same outfit while watching TPIR and things just started to click. Her outfit actually had a giraffe on it but for some reason I was stuck on kangaroo. Again, for anyone who wishes to hear the end of the story, just ask.
Football season is right around the corner. I have my first fanatsy draft this Sunday. I have been slated with the Number 2 pick and I think I have to take Peyton Manning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's tough taking a quarterback at number two, but he's better than the average bear Boo Boo.
Morgan is awesome. If you check out the latest pitcure of her by clicking on Humbert Baby up in the right-hand corner you can see how happy she is. That smile is not a rarity. That is actually how I see her most of the day. I would like to think she just likes smiling at her daddy but most of the time she's happy because she just shit her pants.
Hey Toolspeed! What's on your Blog?!?!?!?
We didn't make it to the concert tonight. It's not like it was the Rolling Stones or anything. It was just a local blues band that was going to play in our little downtown area. But sometimes that show is more enjoyable than the superstars that charge one hundred bucks a ticket just to here songs that they have been playing for 25 years. Either way, we didn't make it.
Well that's all I have for tonight. In some ways I wish I had more to say, but then my life is quite boring and if you spend too much time wondering what a boring guy is doing than what does that make you?
(Yes, that was the sentence I was looking for. Bite me.)
For those of you that were confused or merely bothered by the Banana Kangaroo story, well too bad. That's the kind of shit that floats around in my mind and I need to let it out once in a while. The process started the other night when Chick brought Mo downstairs in a yellow sleeper outfit. She referred to her as being in a banana suit. The next morning I was feeding Mo in the same outfit while watching TPIR and things just started to click. Her outfit actually had a giraffe on it but for some reason I was stuck on kangaroo. Again, for anyone who wishes to hear the end of the story, just ask.
Football season is right around the corner. I have my first fanatsy draft this Sunday. I have been slated with the Number 2 pick and I think I have to take Peyton Manning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's tough taking a quarterback at number two, but he's better than the average bear Boo Boo.
Morgan is awesome. If you check out the latest pitcure of her by clicking on Humbert Baby up in the right-hand corner you can see how happy she is. That smile is not a rarity. That is actually how I see her most of the day. I would like to think she just likes smiling at her daddy but most of the time she's happy because she just shit her pants.
Hey Toolspeed! What's on your Blog?!?!?!?
We didn't make it to the concert tonight. It's not like it was the Rolling Stones or anything. It was just a local blues band that was going to play in our little downtown area. But sometimes that show is more enjoyable than the superstars that charge one hundred bucks a ticket just to here songs that they have been playing for 25 years. Either way, we didn't make it.
Well that's all I have for tonight. In some ways I wish I had more to say, but then my life is quite boring and if you spend too much time wondering what a boring guy is doing than what does that make you?
(Yes, that was the sentence I was looking for. Bite me.)
Banana Kangaroo's Big Day
This is the day that Banana Kangaroo has been waiting for for quite some time. It was many months ago when she sent away for tickets. Just a few weeks ago they finally arrived. And today is the day that Banana will get to go the CBS studios in Burbank California to see The Price is Right.
Ever since Banana was a little joey she has been watching The Price is Right. She has written to Bob Barker and recieved a signed autograph from the man himself. The framed photo sits on her nightstand and it is the last thing she thinks of everynight filling her head with wonderful dreams. Come on Down! Plinko! A New Car!
Banana's mother does not approve of The Price is Right. She feels that the only game show for a respectable kangaroo is Jeopardy. Banana's grandma is happy for her but wishes she would have gone on The Wheel of Fortune instead. But her father is almost as excited as she is. He has been taking her to the grocery store for months just to practice all the pricing. This morning he had a special gift for her. "What is it daddy?"
"Open it up dear." Banana ripped through the wrapping paper and popped open the box. Inside was a bright red t-shirt with big yellow letters that read MARSUPIALS LOVE BOB.
"Oh daddy, this is perfect!" Banana said as she gave her dad a big hug. "It's just right to get me picked to go up on stage."
"I hope so. Hey, we better get going. I'll drop you off down at the studios."
Banana Kangaroo was still too young to drive. She was only three in human years and that, according to the people at the DMV, is what they go by to determine whether or not you can get a license. She knew that you had to be 18 to go on The Price is Right, but she is actually nineteen and a half in Kanagaroo years. She didn't think the people at CBS would be as strict as the people at the DMV.
"It's time for The Price is Right! Mike Bushman, come on down!" This is the moment Banana had been waiting for. There she was in The Bob Barker Studio sitting among hundreds of people waiting to hear their name!
"Juan Echocheezburrito, come on down!" Banana was jumping and screaming as loud as a Kangaroo could.
"Yolanda Helsinki, come on down!" Banana was hoping and wishing to just hear her name. Sure, there would be more chances but she had to get up their first. She just had to!
"Banana Kangaroo, come on down! You are the first four contestants on The Price is Right!" Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. It took Banana a few seconds to calm down. Then with about two hops she was in the contestants row.
"And here's the star of the show, Bob Baaaaaaaarker!"
There he is. The man of Banana's dreams. Bob. His slick silver hair shined just right. His sharp grey suit and pink tie were just what Banana thought he would wear on their wedding day. But Banana had to stop dreaming now. She had to prepare for the game. This is where she wanted to be. Going last on the first item up for bid was crucial to getting on the stage to meet Bob. She either had to bid one dollar or just one more dollar than someone else.
Writers note - I don't think I can continue with this. This is absolutely ridiculous. If anyone would like to hear the rest of the story, please let me know. I'll finish it.
Ever since Banana was a little joey she has been watching The Price is Right. She has written to Bob Barker and recieved a signed autograph from the man himself. The framed photo sits on her nightstand and it is the last thing she thinks of everynight filling her head with wonderful dreams. Come on Down! Plinko! A New Car!
Banana's mother does not approve of The Price is Right. She feels that the only game show for a respectable kangaroo is Jeopardy. Banana's grandma is happy for her but wishes she would have gone on The Wheel of Fortune instead. But her father is almost as excited as she is. He has been taking her to the grocery store for months just to practice all the pricing. This morning he had a special gift for her. "What is it daddy?"
"Open it up dear." Banana ripped through the wrapping paper and popped open the box. Inside was a bright red t-shirt with big yellow letters that read MARSUPIALS LOVE BOB.
"Oh daddy, this is perfect!" Banana said as she gave her dad a big hug. "It's just right to get me picked to go up on stage."
"I hope so. Hey, we better get going. I'll drop you off down at the studios."
Banana Kangaroo was still too young to drive. She was only three in human years and that, according to the people at the DMV, is what they go by to determine whether or not you can get a license. She knew that you had to be 18 to go on The Price is Right, but she is actually nineteen and a half in Kanagaroo years. She didn't think the people at CBS would be as strict as the people at the DMV.
"It's time for The Price is Right! Mike Bushman, come on down!" This is the moment Banana had been waiting for. There she was in The Bob Barker Studio sitting among hundreds of people waiting to hear their name!
"Juan Echocheezburrito, come on down!" Banana was jumping and screaming as loud as a Kangaroo could.
"Yolanda Helsinki, come on down!" Banana was hoping and wishing to just hear her name. Sure, there would be more chances but she had to get up their first. She just had to!
"Banana Kangaroo, come on down! You are the first four contestants on The Price is Right!" Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. It took Banana a few seconds to calm down. Then with about two hops she was in the contestants row.
"And here's the star of the show, Bob Baaaaaaaarker!"
There he is. The man of Banana's dreams. Bob. His slick silver hair shined just right. His sharp grey suit and pink tie were just what Banana thought he would wear on their wedding day. But Banana had to stop dreaming now. She had to prepare for the game. This is where she wanted to be. Going last on the first item up for bid was crucial to getting on the stage to meet Bob. She either had to bid one dollar or just one more dollar than someone else.
Writers note - I don't think I can continue with this. This is absolutely ridiculous. If anyone would like to hear the rest of the story, please let me know. I'll finish it.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Sunday Crossword
1 Across - Warship Fleet (6 letters)
Answer - ARMADA
Do you know that the Spanish-American War may be the most critical turning point in the history of the U.S.? It was with the victory that we became an empire by annexing Puerto Rico, The Phillipines and Samoa. Unfortunately we allowed Cuba to gain its independence.
5 Down - Big trouble, figuratively (9 letters)
Answer - DEEPWATER
I really hoped the answer was going to be DEEP DOO DOO, but it didn't fit. If you would like to read more about 'doo doo' be sure to some back soon for my rant on feces.
38 Across - Plato's Marketplace (5 letters)
Answer - AGORA
I have only come across this word recently as a result of playing the game Zeus! An agora is needed to distribute fleece, food and olive oil to your houses so residents will move to your city.
28 Down - Aquarium scavenger (5 letters)
Answer - SNAIL
We now have two empty fish tanks as all three of our fish have died. Maybe next time I'll just get some snails.
35 Down - Longest River in Europe (5 letters)
Answer - VOLGA
Okay, so that was one that I did not know. I figured it out from the Across clues. Where the hell is the Volga River? A quick Google search and I find out it runs through Russia and flows into the Caspian Sea.
69 Across - Riddle, Part 4 (11 letters)
Answer - GETSMARRIED
Did I mention that this crossword is creating a very large riddle and answer. So far I have the following: IF THEY PRODUCED A NEW TELEVISION SERIES CONCERNING A FELLOW WHO GETS MARRIED
94 Across - Garbage (5 letters)
Answer - TRASH
Our garbage day rotates. After every holiday the collection day moves back one. I never really did figure out the holiday system at our old house. Sometimes they would be a day behind, sometimes I would be running down the driveway in my underwear.
68 Across - Taj Mahal City (4 letters)
Answer - AGRA
If you don't know that answer then you have no reason to attempt finishing a crossword puzzle. I come across that clue and answer at least twice a week.
59 Down - Chum (6 letters)
Answer - FRIEND
Apparently I struck a chord or two with the previous posting titled Where the Hell is Condor? Do I need to remind everyone that this blog is 50% for me to just rant and rave? And, for that matter, that everything in it is fiction? Of course, I still haven't talked to the bastard.
60 Down - Falls headfirst to the ground (8 letters)
Answer - EATSDIRT
That's just funny.
79 Down - Most like a hag (9 letters)
Answer - WITCHIEST
BEAVERISH was the right amount of letters, but I couldn't make it fit.
85 Down - Revving Sound (5 letters)
Answer - VROOM
Morgan and I have been watching a lot of cartoons lately. We've seen a lot of the Hair Bear Bunch and Hong Kong Phooey. And Scooby Doo is always on. But it has been a while since I've watched Speedbuggy - A VROOM A VROOM VROOM!
107 Down - "No man is a ___ to his valet" (5 letters)
Answer - A HERO
I have no idea what that means or where the quote is from. If someone could help me out I would appreciate it.
126 Across - It's next to Georgia (7 letters)
Answer - ARMENIA
Thousands of people across the nation wrote down ALABAMA on that one. Not me. I only got as far as ALA before I stopped to check the other clues.
Here's the riddle and answer: IF THEY PRODUCED A NEW TELEVISION SERIES CONCERNING A FELLOW WHO GETS MARRIED AND DIVORCED A FEW TIMES WHAT SHOULD IT BE CALLED? I WED THREE WIVES.
Not only pretty lame but rather offensive to those with a speech impediment. Elmer Fudd should sue!
Answer - ARMADA
Do you know that the Spanish-American War may be the most critical turning point in the history of the U.S.? It was with the victory that we became an empire by annexing Puerto Rico, The Phillipines and Samoa. Unfortunately we allowed Cuba to gain its independence.
5 Down - Big trouble, figuratively (9 letters)
Answer - DEEPWATER
I really hoped the answer was going to be DEEP DOO DOO, but it didn't fit. If you would like to read more about 'doo doo' be sure to some back soon for my rant on feces.
38 Across - Plato's Marketplace (5 letters)
Answer - AGORA
I have only come across this word recently as a result of playing the game Zeus! An agora is needed to distribute fleece, food and olive oil to your houses so residents will move to your city.
28 Down - Aquarium scavenger (5 letters)
Answer - SNAIL
We now have two empty fish tanks as all three of our fish have died. Maybe next time I'll just get some snails.
35 Down - Longest River in Europe (5 letters)
Answer - VOLGA
Okay, so that was one that I did not know. I figured it out from the Across clues. Where the hell is the Volga River? A quick Google search and I find out it runs through Russia and flows into the Caspian Sea.
69 Across - Riddle, Part 4 (11 letters)
Answer - GETSMARRIED
Did I mention that this crossword is creating a very large riddle and answer. So far I have the following: IF THEY PRODUCED A NEW TELEVISION SERIES CONCERNING A FELLOW WHO GETS MARRIED
94 Across - Garbage (5 letters)
Answer - TRASH
Our garbage day rotates. After every holiday the collection day moves back one. I never really did figure out the holiday system at our old house. Sometimes they would be a day behind, sometimes I would be running down the driveway in my underwear.
68 Across - Taj Mahal City (4 letters)
Answer - AGRA
If you don't know that answer then you have no reason to attempt finishing a crossword puzzle. I come across that clue and answer at least twice a week.
59 Down - Chum (6 letters)
Answer - FRIEND
Apparently I struck a chord or two with the previous posting titled Where the Hell is Condor? Do I need to remind everyone that this blog is 50% for me to just rant and rave? And, for that matter, that everything in it is fiction? Of course, I still haven't talked to the bastard.
60 Down - Falls headfirst to the ground (8 letters)
Answer - EATSDIRT
That's just funny.
79 Down - Most like a hag (9 letters)
Answer - WITCHIEST
BEAVERISH was the right amount of letters, but I couldn't make it fit.
85 Down - Revving Sound (5 letters)
Answer - VROOM
Morgan and I have been watching a lot of cartoons lately. We've seen a lot of the Hair Bear Bunch and Hong Kong Phooey. And Scooby Doo is always on. But it has been a while since I've watched Speedbuggy - A VROOM A VROOM VROOM!
107 Down - "No man is a ___ to his valet" (5 letters)
Answer - A HERO
I have no idea what that means or where the quote is from. If someone could help me out I would appreciate it.
126 Across - It's next to Georgia (7 letters)
Answer - ARMENIA
Thousands of people across the nation wrote down ALABAMA on that one. Not me. I only got as far as ALA before I stopped to check the other clues.
Here's the riddle and answer: IF THEY PRODUCED A NEW TELEVISION SERIES CONCERNING A FELLOW WHO GETS MARRIED AND DIVORCED A FEW TIMES WHAT SHOULD IT BE CALLED? I WED THREE WIVES.
Not only pretty lame but rather offensive to those with a speech impediment. Elmer Fudd should sue!
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