Where the hell is Condor?

I have too many friends in my life. Wait - check that. I have a lot of friends in my life. It has only become 'too many' when I have to keep track of all of them. I have lost more friends than I want to admit. I could probably keep track of them all, but sometimes it seems as if friendship is more than I can handle. Why? Because I am not a very good friend. People call me and I don't call them back. People write me and I don't write them back. I have a daughter and I don't call anyone. Why? Am I really that much of a schmuck?

I am fairly sure that there are only five or six people who really know me. Yes, that is very pretentious. But think for a second of how many people really know who you are. Or who you pretend to be. Do your parents know you? Or your spouse? Or your next-door neighbor? Or your brother-in-law? Or your daughter?

I told Chick not too many weeks ago that I thought I would not be a very good father. In some ways I am way too demanding and in other ways I am way too lax. My children are going to be so confused they won't know if a manatee is bigger than a giraffe. I also told her that all I want from and for my daughter is to be her friend. Sure, discipline and control will be necessary in life but friendship will reign. I only ever wanted to have children so that I would have another friend in life. Because truly good friends are hard to come by.

And that brings me back to the title - hello Condor? Here I am sitting at the computer in the middle of the night. My wonderful wife is about to get up so she can feed my beautiful daughter. The dogs are lying on the kitchen floor and the cat is on the sofa. I'm about to open another beer just to toast my friend. It never matters if you ever respond. I know you care.

If you ever wanted to take a test to determine whether or not you are a good friend, well, then you aren't one. But if you want to figure out what kind of friend you are, then just ask yourself if you would be happy in your friends life. That is, would you be able to take his or her place and still be happy. Would you make the same choices? Would you make the same sacrifices? Would you be happy with the decisions? Would you still be friends?

All of that is bullshit. There is absolutely, positively no way to judge friendship. If you have it, cherish it. Don't ever let it leave your soul. Don't try to explain it in a stupid blog. Don't ever try to call people out on it. Just accept it for what it is and be happy that you don't really understand it. If it were ever meant to be understood then Condor wouldn't be smiling right now.