Poor Chet

This Christmas season I have been listening to a lot of holiday music to enhance my jovial mood. At home we have used the digital cable for the Sounds of the Season. In the place I've been working there has been Christmas music playing regulalry. And even on my commute I have found the 'Lite' channel that has been programming for Christmas since the week before Thanksgiving. So I have certainly gotten my fill.

The nice thing about Christmas music is that it's okay to listen to Johnny Mathis, The Carpenters and Anne Murray. Trust me, you can search my CD collection and Realplayer folder and you will not find anything from those singers. But at Christmas their melodic voices are pleasant to the ear. Recently, however, I've noticed a few songs that disturb me.

On the way home a few days ago the DJ on the 'Lite' station announced an upcoming song performed by Cyndi Lauper and Frank Sinatra. I immediately thought that it was a promo skit for the morning talk show. But it wasn't. It was definitely Cyndi and Frank joining together for Santa Claus is Coming to Town. What made those two people sing a song together I'll never know.

There's is a new song out this season titled Mary Did You Know? Performed by Kenny Rogers and Wynonna Judd, it asks the question of whether or not Mary knew the significance of the child she was about to give birth to. It led me to thinking about the birthing process that Mary had to endure. Did god take it easy on her or did she have 18 hours of labor? Did she start giving evil looks at Joseph? And if so, did he just shrug and say "Hey. It's not my fault. You already told me it wasn't mine, right?"

One of the biggest hits of this holiday season is titled It's Cold Outside. It actually doesn't have anything to do with Christmas or the holiday season. It's really just about a guy trying to get it on with a woman by getting her drunk and telling her she needs to stay because it's too cold outside to leave. It has been performed by numerous people but the most disturbing pairing is Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton. Can't you just see the two of them lying naked on a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire doing the nasty. Kind of turns your stomach doesn't it?

I've always enjoyed enhancing Christmas songs with my own special words and phrases. The standards are fine - "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Layed an Egg" and "Rudolph the Nazi Reindeer". I do like to sing "Walking in some Women's Underwear" instead of " a Winter Wonderland". Of course my favorite is still poor, poor Chet with his nuts roasting on an open fire. Poor Chet.

Whatever your favorite Christmas song is be sure to sing it loud and proud. Remember that even though Christmas lasts from the third week of October to the second week of January, it only comes once a year.