I bought a lottery ticket today. Or, more accurately, I bought 10 chances to win the Powerball. I've spent the last few days in Indiana and the local radio station has been hyping the $215 million jackpot. Hey, someone's going to win and it may as well be me.
I don't often purchase lottery tickets. I'd rather bet on a baseball game or a football game or a horse. At least those things give me something to cheer for. The lottery is just a giant game of Bingo. Actually it's not even that exciting. In Bingo you can look at your card and hope and pray for that next number to fill your line. B7. B7. Come on B7. That's all I need...B7. Just a simple little B7 and I can win the Police Academy series on DVD. Let's go B7! But the lottery is over in just a couple of seconds. Some part-time weather girl says the magic word and here come the ping-pong balls. Ten seconds later and you're out another ten bucks.
09 16 23 29 41 PB: 35
15 24 27 28 47 PB: 32
Over the years there has been a lot of discussion involving the legitamacy of the government run lottery. There always seems to be a question of where the funds end up. Supposedly half of all the money goes to education, but the guy that runs the thing is driving a Porsche. Many have called the lottery a Poor Man's Tax. But at least you have a chance to win something with a lottery ticket. I don't think anyone is really sure where their taxes end up. My only real problem with the lottery is that there aren't enough winners. Instead of 1 person winning $200 million, I'd like to see 200 people win $1 million. I've been told that the idea is a bit socialistic, but who cares? Wouldn't it be nice if there were more millinaires in this country? I know I wouldn't mind.
05 09 11 16 23 PB: 11
06 11 29 30 42 PB: 18
There are two different ways in which I would spend my winnings. The first is the easiest - buy a house on the north shore of Kauai and just live. The second is a bit more complicated. I would like to purchase a large amount of land, somehwere near to where I currently live. On that land I would not only build a very large home for Chick and myslef, but I would like to create a neighborhood for my friends and family. I think I'll call it Hummerville. The deal would be relativley simple - you get 1-2 acres of land and $100,000 to build whatever you want. Now that may not be enough to build a mansion, but you could bring a little bit of your own cash to the table. The neighborhood would be designed in a very large circle with all of the houses on the outside and a sort of country club on the inside. You know, a swimming pool, banquet room, horse stables, bowling alley, tennis court, spa, goat farm, driving range, gymnasium, fish pond, putting green and baseball diamond. Just the basics.
I would also provide another $100,000 to any of those people living in my neighborhood that would like to start up a business. It could be an internet company or a massage parlor or a hot rod shop. As long as the money is invested wisely and the business makes a reasonable attempt to turn a profit, then there won't be any questions. And speaking of hot rods, everyone would be required to have one. 57 Chevy, 69 Chevelle, 72 El Dorado or a 33 Edsel, whatever you like. Just pick the color and I'll provide the 450 horsepower engine. We'll have one hell of a parade.
01 05 10 15 38 PB:13
09 14 19 39 44 PB:32
I lied a little bit earlier. I didn't but ten chances to win the Powerball, I bought eleven. But the extra won was for my brother-in-law. He was with me on my quest to win the lottery and I asked him if he was going to buy some tickets. That's when he reminded me that I owed him a dollar for the Yankees winning the American League East. It was a stupid bet, but in March it sounded like a good idea. They have no pitching. At least not compared to what they have had in the past. Right now I'm rooting against them, but the chances are astronomically greater that they'll win the World Series before my brother-in-law wins the lottery on a ticket that I bought him for the Yankees winning the pennant.
18 33 39 43 51 PB:13
02 14 16 18 47 PB:13
You may have noticed that I have the number 13 three different times for my Powerball. That number has been considered unlucky for thousands of years. The explanation for the superstition is unclear, but definitely involved religion. It may be that Alexander the Great wanted to be th 13th god, and that desire caused his death. It has also been determined that there were thirteen men at the last supper of Jesus, and he died on Friday the 13th. In 1307, on a Friday the 13th the Knights Templar were executed. And there is even a theory regarding Loki joining a banquet at Valhalla making the number at the banquet an odd 13. That caused some problems apparently. If you asked me, 13 has just gotten a bad rap. And if I win the lottery with a #13 Powerball, then I can finally dismiss religon for good.
07 12 23 37 47 PB:19
08 19 26 36 37 PB:11
So there are all of my numbers. Feel free to check the winners on Saturday night or Sunday morning. If you happen to notice that I've won, please respond with the appropriate ass-kissing application. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to live on Dandelion Lane in Hummerville.
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