Cardinals to Face Red Sox in WS
Is the curse of the Bambino finally over? Not yet. After trading Babe Ruth in 1919 to the Yankees for $100,000 Boston has yet to win a World Series. They have been there 4 times since 1918. In 1986 they lost to the Mets when Bill Buckner let a simple grounder go through his legs. In 1975 they lost game 7 after what may be the most dramatic Home Run ever by Carlton fisk in Game 6. Their other two losses came against the Cardinals in 1967 and 1946. If you want to know more go to GetSportsInfo for an awesome preview.
I don't really have a favorite in the World Series. I think I'll probably cheer for the Cardinals for two reasons. First of all, the Babe Ruth Curse makes for an awesome story and if the Red Sox win, it will be over. Secondly, The Cardinals just won me $150 at Bally's in Las Vegas. I took a chance on them back in June when they were in 4th place and it has paid off. Along with winning $100 in a fantasy league, my so-called useless baseball knowledge is finally working for me.
Presidential Race Neck and Neck
My partner in crime, The Big D, has come up with an ingenious way to determine who he should vote for in the upcoming election. He has created a point system based on Presidential bumper stickers and how those people drive. Driving like a jerk will cost you points while driving sensibly will earn points. For example, if he gets cut off by a Kerry supporter, minus 1. If a Bush fan let's some one in, +1. Ralph Nader is represented by the ever popular Calvin Pissing stickers. Also, if you only tape the sticker on the back of your windshield, it's an automatic minus 2. If you don't have enough conviction to permanently adhere your choice's name to your bumper, then he doesn't deserve the vote. With the exception of Nader - he really didn't stand a chance - the points have been very close. At least until on the way home tonight, when a jackass in a white Yukon singlehandedly lost 4 points for 'W' in less than a 2 mile stretch of I-75.
Lines Persist at Flu-Shot Sites
I have never had a flu shot. I've had the flu more than a few times, and I have survived. On the front page of last Sunday's paper there were suggestions for avoiding the flu. They included covering your mouth and nose when you sneeze, washing your hands before you eat and not using other people's eating utensils. It makes me wonder, WHAT IN THE HELL DID WE DO BEFORE FLU SHOTS?
Here's what may happen if you don't get a flu shot - you might get the flu. That means you'll have to spend 1 or 2 days in bed coughing and sneezing, eating chicken soup and drinking 7-Up, and explaining to your spouse that even though you think you may be near death, you're still very horny. A few days later you take an all-day Tylenol and you go back to work. That's life with the flu.
Martha Stewart Still in Prison
Good.
Desperate Housewives tops Ratings
Do you know why the show Desperate Housewives is being watched by so many people? It's fucked-up. In the past few years our nation has been pushed into 'reality' so much that people are tired of it. We watch TV to escape reality. (That's why my favorite things to watch are Andy Griffith reruns, baseball games and porn.) Reality television really doesn't stand a chance against a well written, bizarre, prime time soap opera with hot women who are often nearly naked. It appeals to women and men and it's basically harmless because no one actually lives like that. Do they? Maybe I need to watch another episode of Sex In the City.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
The Otis Debate
Moderator: Good evening and welcome to tonight's presidential debate between President Otis and Senator Otis. My name is Ernest T. Krebbs and I will be the moderator for the debate. I have a number of questions to ask our master debaters this evening and I'm sure I'll come up with a couple more along the way. The format of the debate is vague at best, but each candidate will have a chance to answer each question with one response and then a follow-up response will be allowed to the first response.
Tonight's first question will be for President Otis. Mr. President, gun-control has been a major issue over the past few years on the state level. What is your stance on gun-control?
President Otis: First of all, thank you Ernest for allowing me to precipitate in tonight's debate. The best way to explain my view on gun-control is to tell you a little bit about my past. When I was 10 years old I asked for an Erector Set for Christmas so that I could build my own oil rigs like my daddy. I got that Erector Set along with a chemistry set so that I could learn to refine the oil. I also got a team of horses and a stable boy to take care of them. I got my own jet plane and I think that was the year I was given my first professional baseball team. But the most important gift I received that Christmas was a Red Rider BB Gun. That has made all of the difference. And let me just say to the American people, I did not - I repeat - did NOT shoot my eye out.
Senator Otis: I too I had a Christmas similar to the one of the President. I was either eleven or twelve, but I could have been ten. I got an Erector Set and a chemistry set. I didn't get a team of horses, but rather a herd of sheep and a young shepherd to take care of them. Instead of a jet plane I received a yacht and a football team rather than a baseball team. And I too got my first BB Gun. But here is where the difference lies between the president and myself. One day that BB Gun went off accidentally and although it did not shoot me in the eye, it grazed my arm and left a scar that I have to live with every day.
Moderator: Mr. President, you have 13 seconds to respond.
President Otis: Hey, hey I'm a Monkee. People say I monkey around. But I've been too busy singing to put anybody down. Thank you.
Moderator: The next question is for Senator Otis and it involves Health Care: Senator, how will you, as President, help to stop the rising costs of health care?
Senator Otis: The Health Care issue is a very complicated one. In some ways it's a very big puzzle or even a game with a lot of rules. A game like Monoply. Do you know that in the game of Monopoly you can have twins and it only costs $100. Look at the game Operation - it only costs $400 to remove a funny bone. Yet in the game of LIFE it could cost you $100,000 to get a tattoo removed. That's a lot of inconsistency in health care. What we need to do is have a simple game plan, like Crazy-8's.
President Otis: I'm glad my opponent mentioned Crazy-8's, 'cause that's a game I can understand. I like playing card games and I like playing with cards. My favorite thing to do with cards is to build houses. Remember the episode of the The Brady's when the kids were fighting over the food stamps and built a giant card house? That's what the Health Care system is, a giant house of cards. Jan almost knocked it over with her bracelet, but she didn't. She didn't even take that bracelet off - she just held it back with her other hand when it was her turn. And do you remember what finally knocked down that card house? It was Tiger the dog. Only a dog can take down our Health Care system.
Moderator: Senator, you have 8 seconds to respond.
Senator Otis: John Denver was not a Muppet. John Denver was not a friend to the Muppets. John Denver was a friend of the Muppets.
Moderator: The next question will be directed towards President Otis. Mr. President, you have received a lot of criticism for not working with our allies during our current war on terror. What is your response to that?
President Otis: I have worked with our friends and allies. I have been in constant contact with all of the members of the Justice League. The original 5 members - Superman, Batman, Robin, Aquaman and Wonder Woman - have all been with us from the beginning and continue to fight the evil terrorists around the world. And let me just say that it has taken alot of convincing by my administration to tell the Justice League that there are more enemies to freedom than just Lex Luthor, Black Manta and Bizarro. And let me also say that we have also added to our friends at the Justice League. The Wonder Twins and Gleek have been on board for some time. Green Lantern has continued to provide support. Just recently we've signed the Flash and Hawkgirl. So I think we are working well with our allies.
Senator Otis: I agree with the President that we are working well with the Justice League. But we cannot limit our allies to just one select group of crime fighters. I ask you Mr. President, where is the Amazing Spiderman? Or the Incredible Hulk? Have you once contacted Professor X to see if the X-Men would provide support for our fight against terrorism? When I am president I will seek out all Superheroes, near and far, from the Mighty Thor to Mighty Mouse so that we can stop terrorism around the world.
Moderator: President Otis you have an 18 second response.
President Otis: I have met George Jetson. Jane his wife. His boy Elroy and daughter Judy. But the Flintstones are the modern stone-age family.
Moderator: Our next question will deal with education and Senator Otis will be the first to respond. Senator, what will your administration do to help ease the cost of education and still provide all of our youth with the proper knowledge they need to compete in the world?
Senator Otis: I am very concerned with the state of education in our country. I went to the best private schools before attending Yale and unless every child has wealthy parents with the proper legacy, few will ever be as successful as me. What we need to do is make sure that our children, first of all, go to school. There are many kids out there that are forced to work in the rice fields to help support their families instead of attending classes. I know, I was there. I have confidence that if we are able to get our children to the classrooms they will be able to learn what they need to know. Otherwise, they'll just pick up crap form television.
President Otis: I'm glad my opponent mentioned the television. I used to watch a lot of TV when I was younger. Sure, I still went to private schools and yeah I went to Yale too (Go ELI!) but I learned most of what I know from television. And one of the most influential shows on my life was Gilligan's Island. Here you had 7 people - a rich guy and his wife, a skipper who wrecked his boat, a bumbling dufus named Gilligan, two hot chicks and one really smart guy. I gotta tell you I learned a lot from the Professor. He knew when the island was sinking and when the volcano was going to blow. He knew how to make glue from tree gunk. He could even talk to all the natives. And the way he recharged the one little radio they had was just brilliant. That pretty much sums up my plan for education - as long as 1 out of every 7 people is smart, we'll be okay.
Moderator: Senator Otis you may have 16 seconds to respond.
Senator Otis: Somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota there lived a young boy named Rocky Raccon. He is the eggman. I am the Walrus. Coo goo g'joob.
Moderator: Well that concludes our debate this evening. I would normally allow both candidates to have a final speech but quite frankly I am a little afraid about what they might say. I hope you have enjoyed this debate and I am sure we all look forward to hearing the left-wing and the right-wing media completely decimate everything important the two candidates may have said. Thank you and good night.
Tonight's first question will be for President Otis. Mr. President, gun-control has been a major issue over the past few years on the state level. What is your stance on gun-control?
President Otis: First of all, thank you Ernest for allowing me to precipitate in tonight's debate. The best way to explain my view on gun-control is to tell you a little bit about my past. When I was 10 years old I asked for an Erector Set for Christmas so that I could build my own oil rigs like my daddy. I got that Erector Set along with a chemistry set so that I could learn to refine the oil. I also got a team of horses and a stable boy to take care of them. I got my own jet plane and I think that was the year I was given my first professional baseball team. But the most important gift I received that Christmas was a Red Rider BB Gun. That has made all of the difference. And let me just say to the American people, I did not - I repeat - did NOT shoot my eye out.
Senator Otis: I too I had a Christmas similar to the one of the President. I was either eleven or twelve, but I could have been ten. I got an Erector Set and a chemistry set. I didn't get a team of horses, but rather a herd of sheep and a young shepherd to take care of them. Instead of a jet plane I received a yacht and a football team rather than a baseball team. And I too got my first BB Gun. But here is where the difference lies between the president and myself. One day that BB Gun went off accidentally and although it did not shoot me in the eye, it grazed my arm and left a scar that I have to live with every day.
Moderator: Mr. President, you have 13 seconds to respond.
President Otis: Hey, hey I'm a Monkee. People say I monkey around. But I've been too busy singing to put anybody down. Thank you.
Moderator: The next question is for Senator Otis and it involves Health Care: Senator, how will you, as President, help to stop the rising costs of health care?
Senator Otis: The Health Care issue is a very complicated one. In some ways it's a very big puzzle or even a game with a lot of rules. A game like Monoply. Do you know that in the game of Monopoly you can have twins and it only costs $100. Look at the game Operation - it only costs $400 to remove a funny bone. Yet in the game of LIFE it could cost you $100,000 to get a tattoo removed. That's a lot of inconsistency in health care. What we need to do is have a simple game plan, like Crazy-8's.
President Otis: I'm glad my opponent mentioned Crazy-8's, 'cause that's a game I can understand. I like playing card games and I like playing with cards. My favorite thing to do with cards is to build houses. Remember the episode of the The Brady's when the kids were fighting over the food stamps and built a giant card house? That's what the Health Care system is, a giant house of cards. Jan almost knocked it over with her bracelet, but she didn't. She didn't even take that bracelet off - she just held it back with her other hand when it was her turn. And do you remember what finally knocked down that card house? It was Tiger the dog. Only a dog can take down our Health Care system.
Moderator: Senator, you have 8 seconds to respond.
Senator Otis: John Denver was not a Muppet. John Denver was not a friend to the Muppets. John Denver was a friend of the Muppets.
Moderator: The next question will be directed towards President Otis. Mr. President, you have received a lot of criticism for not working with our allies during our current war on terror. What is your response to that?
President Otis: I have worked with our friends and allies. I have been in constant contact with all of the members of the Justice League. The original 5 members - Superman, Batman, Robin, Aquaman and Wonder Woman - have all been with us from the beginning and continue to fight the evil terrorists around the world. And let me just say that it has taken alot of convincing by my administration to tell the Justice League that there are more enemies to freedom than just Lex Luthor, Black Manta and Bizarro. And let me also say that we have also added to our friends at the Justice League. The Wonder Twins and Gleek have been on board for some time. Green Lantern has continued to provide support. Just recently we've signed the Flash and Hawkgirl. So I think we are working well with our allies.
Senator Otis: I agree with the President that we are working well with the Justice League. But we cannot limit our allies to just one select group of crime fighters. I ask you Mr. President, where is the Amazing Spiderman? Or the Incredible Hulk? Have you once contacted Professor X to see if the X-Men would provide support for our fight against terrorism? When I am president I will seek out all Superheroes, near and far, from the Mighty Thor to Mighty Mouse so that we can stop terrorism around the world.
Moderator: President Otis you have an 18 second response.
President Otis: I have met George Jetson. Jane his wife. His boy Elroy and daughter Judy. But the Flintstones are the modern stone-age family.
Moderator: Our next question will deal with education and Senator Otis will be the first to respond. Senator, what will your administration do to help ease the cost of education and still provide all of our youth with the proper knowledge they need to compete in the world?
Senator Otis: I am very concerned with the state of education in our country. I went to the best private schools before attending Yale and unless every child has wealthy parents with the proper legacy, few will ever be as successful as me. What we need to do is make sure that our children, first of all, go to school. There are many kids out there that are forced to work in the rice fields to help support their families instead of attending classes. I know, I was there. I have confidence that if we are able to get our children to the classrooms they will be able to learn what they need to know. Otherwise, they'll just pick up crap form television.
President Otis: I'm glad my opponent mentioned the television. I used to watch a lot of TV when I was younger. Sure, I still went to private schools and yeah I went to Yale too (Go ELI!) but I learned most of what I know from television. And one of the most influential shows on my life was Gilligan's Island. Here you had 7 people - a rich guy and his wife, a skipper who wrecked his boat, a bumbling dufus named Gilligan, two hot chicks and one really smart guy. I gotta tell you I learned a lot from the Professor. He knew when the island was sinking and when the volcano was going to blow. He knew how to make glue from tree gunk. He could even talk to all the natives. And the way he recharged the one little radio they had was just brilliant. That pretty much sums up my plan for education - as long as 1 out of every 7 people is smart, we'll be okay.
Moderator: Senator Otis you may have 16 seconds to respond.
Senator Otis: Somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota there lived a young boy named Rocky Raccon. He is the eggman. I am the Walrus. Coo goo g'joob.
Moderator: Well that concludes our debate this evening. I would normally allow both candidates to have a final speech but quite frankly I am a little afraid about what they might say. I hope you have enjoyed this debate and I am sure we all look forward to hearing the left-wing and the right-wing media completely decimate everything important the two candidates may have said. Thank you and good night.
Friday, October 08, 2004
1 in 120, 526, 770
I bought a lottery ticket today. Or, more accurately, I bought 10 chances to win the Powerball. I've spent the last few days in Indiana and the local radio station has been hyping the $215 million jackpot. Hey, someone's going to win and it may as well be me.
I don't often purchase lottery tickets. I'd rather bet on a baseball game or a football game or a horse. At least those things give me something to cheer for. The lottery is just a giant game of Bingo. Actually it's not even that exciting. In Bingo you can look at your card and hope and pray for that next number to fill your line. B7. B7. Come on B7. That's all I need...B7. Just a simple little B7 and I can win the Police Academy series on DVD. Let's go B7! But the lottery is over in just a couple of seconds. Some part-time weather girl says the magic word and here come the ping-pong balls. Ten seconds later and you're out another ten bucks.
09 16 23 29 41 PB: 35
15 24 27 28 47 PB: 32
Over the years there has been a lot of discussion involving the legitamacy of the government run lottery. There always seems to be a question of where the funds end up. Supposedly half of all the money goes to education, but the guy that runs the thing is driving a Porsche. Many have called the lottery a Poor Man's Tax. But at least you have a chance to win something with a lottery ticket. I don't think anyone is really sure where their taxes end up. My only real problem with the lottery is that there aren't enough winners. Instead of 1 person winning $200 million, I'd like to see 200 people win $1 million. I've been told that the idea is a bit socialistic, but who cares? Wouldn't it be nice if there were more millinaires in this country? I know I wouldn't mind.
05 09 11 16 23 PB: 11
06 11 29 30 42 PB: 18
There are two different ways in which I would spend my winnings. The first is the easiest - buy a house on the north shore of Kauai and just live. The second is a bit more complicated. I would like to purchase a large amount of land, somehwere near to where I currently live. On that land I would not only build a very large home for Chick and myslef, but I would like to create a neighborhood for my friends and family. I think I'll call it Hummerville. The deal would be relativley simple - you get 1-2 acres of land and $100,000 to build whatever you want. Now that may not be enough to build a mansion, but you could bring a little bit of your own cash to the table. The neighborhood would be designed in a very large circle with all of the houses on the outside and a sort of country club on the inside. You know, a swimming pool, banquet room, horse stables, bowling alley, tennis court, spa, goat farm, driving range, gymnasium, fish pond, putting green and baseball diamond. Just the basics.
I would also provide another $100,000 to any of those people living in my neighborhood that would like to start up a business. It could be an internet company or a massage parlor or a hot rod shop. As long as the money is invested wisely and the business makes a reasonable attempt to turn a profit, then there won't be any questions. And speaking of hot rods, everyone would be required to have one. 57 Chevy, 69 Chevelle, 72 El Dorado or a 33 Edsel, whatever you like. Just pick the color and I'll provide the 450 horsepower engine. We'll have one hell of a parade.
01 05 10 15 38 PB:13
09 14 19 39 44 PB:32
I lied a little bit earlier. I didn't but ten chances to win the Powerball, I bought eleven. But the extra won was for my brother-in-law. He was with me on my quest to win the lottery and I asked him if he was going to buy some tickets. That's when he reminded me that I owed him a dollar for the Yankees winning the American League East. It was a stupid bet, but in March it sounded like a good idea. They have no pitching. At least not compared to what they have had in the past. Right now I'm rooting against them, but the chances are astronomically greater that they'll win the World Series before my brother-in-law wins the lottery on a ticket that I bought him for the Yankees winning the pennant.
18 33 39 43 51 PB:13
02 14 16 18 47 PB:13
You may have noticed that I have the number 13 three different times for my Powerball. That number has been considered unlucky for thousands of years. The explanation for the superstition is unclear, but definitely involved religion. It may be that Alexander the Great wanted to be th 13th god, and that desire caused his death. It has also been determined that there were thirteen men at the last supper of Jesus, and he died on Friday the 13th. In 1307, on a Friday the 13th the Knights Templar were executed. And there is even a theory regarding Loki joining a banquet at Valhalla making the number at the banquet an odd 13. That caused some problems apparently. If you asked me, 13 has just gotten a bad rap. And if I win the lottery with a #13 Powerball, then I can finally dismiss religon for good.
07 12 23 37 47 PB:19
08 19 26 36 37 PB:11
So there are all of my numbers. Feel free to check the winners on Saturday night or Sunday morning. If you happen to notice that I've won, please respond with the appropriate ass-kissing application. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to live on Dandelion Lane in Hummerville.
I don't often purchase lottery tickets. I'd rather bet on a baseball game or a football game or a horse. At least those things give me something to cheer for. The lottery is just a giant game of Bingo. Actually it's not even that exciting. In Bingo you can look at your card and hope and pray for that next number to fill your line. B7. B7. Come on B7. That's all I need...B7. Just a simple little B7 and I can win the Police Academy series on DVD. Let's go B7! But the lottery is over in just a couple of seconds. Some part-time weather girl says the magic word and here come the ping-pong balls. Ten seconds later and you're out another ten bucks.
09 16 23 29 41 PB: 35
15 24 27 28 47 PB: 32
Over the years there has been a lot of discussion involving the legitamacy of the government run lottery. There always seems to be a question of where the funds end up. Supposedly half of all the money goes to education, but the guy that runs the thing is driving a Porsche. Many have called the lottery a Poor Man's Tax. But at least you have a chance to win something with a lottery ticket. I don't think anyone is really sure where their taxes end up. My only real problem with the lottery is that there aren't enough winners. Instead of 1 person winning $200 million, I'd like to see 200 people win $1 million. I've been told that the idea is a bit socialistic, but who cares? Wouldn't it be nice if there were more millinaires in this country? I know I wouldn't mind.
05 09 11 16 23 PB: 11
06 11 29 30 42 PB: 18
There are two different ways in which I would spend my winnings. The first is the easiest - buy a house on the north shore of Kauai and just live. The second is a bit more complicated. I would like to purchase a large amount of land, somehwere near to where I currently live. On that land I would not only build a very large home for Chick and myslef, but I would like to create a neighborhood for my friends and family. I think I'll call it Hummerville. The deal would be relativley simple - you get 1-2 acres of land and $100,000 to build whatever you want. Now that may not be enough to build a mansion, but you could bring a little bit of your own cash to the table. The neighborhood would be designed in a very large circle with all of the houses on the outside and a sort of country club on the inside. You know, a swimming pool, banquet room, horse stables, bowling alley, tennis court, spa, goat farm, driving range, gymnasium, fish pond, putting green and baseball diamond. Just the basics.
I would also provide another $100,000 to any of those people living in my neighborhood that would like to start up a business. It could be an internet company or a massage parlor or a hot rod shop. As long as the money is invested wisely and the business makes a reasonable attempt to turn a profit, then there won't be any questions. And speaking of hot rods, everyone would be required to have one. 57 Chevy, 69 Chevelle, 72 El Dorado or a 33 Edsel, whatever you like. Just pick the color and I'll provide the 450 horsepower engine. We'll have one hell of a parade.
01 05 10 15 38 PB:13
09 14 19 39 44 PB:32
I lied a little bit earlier. I didn't but ten chances to win the Powerball, I bought eleven. But the extra won was for my brother-in-law. He was with me on my quest to win the lottery and I asked him if he was going to buy some tickets. That's when he reminded me that I owed him a dollar for the Yankees winning the American League East. It was a stupid bet, but in March it sounded like a good idea. They have no pitching. At least not compared to what they have had in the past. Right now I'm rooting against them, but the chances are astronomically greater that they'll win the World Series before my brother-in-law wins the lottery on a ticket that I bought him for the Yankees winning the pennant.
18 33 39 43 51 PB:13
02 14 16 18 47 PB:13
You may have noticed that I have the number 13 three different times for my Powerball. That number has been considered unlucky for thousands of years. The explanation for the superstition is unclear, but definitely involved religion. It may be that Alexander the Great wanted to be th 13th god, and that desire caused his death. It has also been determined that there were thirteen men at the last supper of Jesus, and he died on Friday the 13th. In 1307, on a Friday the 13th the Knights Templar were executed. And there is even a theory regarding Loki joining a banquet at Valhalla making the number at the banquet an odd 13. That caused some problems apparently. If you asked me, 13 has just gotten a bad rap. And if I win the lottery with a #13 Powerball, then I can finally dismiss religon for good.
07 12 23 37 47 PB:19
08 19 26 36 37 PB:11
So there are all of my numbers. Feel free to check the winners on Saturday night or Sunday morning. If you happen to notice that I've won, please respond with the appropriate ass-kissing application. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to live on Dandelion Lane in Hummerville.
Friday, October 01, 2004
Superman
Do you think Superman can get drunk? I mean, he can stop bullets and trains and catch falling school buses, but how does he handle his Jose Cuervo? Technically, I would think that at the least he would have a very high tolerance to alcohol. It may just take more than one shot of Three Wise Men to make him puke. So now, I have a new shot to create - Kryptonite. It needs to be green and finding a way to make it glow would certainly be a plus. Hey, it can't be any worse than a Martian Blow Job.
For two years in grade school I had a very intimidating social studies teacher named Mr. T. (No, not that Mr. T, but just as intimidating, at least to 11 year old kids) In retrospect he was an excellent teacher and an even better man. His teaching concept involved 'taking notes'. He always told us that teaching us how to take proper notes would help us in high school and eventually college. Of course he was right but at the time it seemed more like corporal punishment. Anyway, there was a kid in our class named Chris Reed and for some time Mr. T often referred to Chris as Superman. Until one day, someone informed him that the actor who portrayed Superman in the movie was actually named Christopher Reeves - not Reed. Mr. T had a look of dismay on his face and he asked the class why we all let him be so mistaken. I remember him distinctly saying, with a large grin, that even he, the best teacher we would ever have, was allowed to make a mistake once in a while. I don't think many kids were intimidated by him after that. But not just because he made a mistake - he was just another human being like the rest of us. Except, of course, Clark Kent.
Here's a picture that I have used for an occasional fantasy team, always called the Superbabes:
I have a recollection of an interview with Michael Stipe regarding the R.E.M. song Superman from the album Lifes Rich Pageant. He basically said that he was embarrased by the song and it was the worst thing that he ever wrote. It's most likely that he was exaggerating in the interview as much as he did in the song. It was obviously written during a very painful time for him regarding a relationship gone bad and his jealousy resulting from it. You don't really love that guy you make it with now do you? I know you don't love that guy 'cause I can see right through you. I am Superman. A few years later the Spin Doctors wrote another Superman jealousy type song titled Jimmy Olsen's Blues. It's less somber than the R.E.M. song yet it still resonates. Jimmy doesn't stand a chance at nailing Lois as long as Superman is around. Unless, of course, he's got some Kryptonite in his pants.
One day while flying around looking to stop a few crimes Superman spots Wonder Woman stark naked and lying on her back spread-eagle. He thinks, "hey, I'm Superman. I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quickie and fly back and she won't even know it." So Superman flies down, has a quick in-and-out-in-and-out and flies back at the speed of light.
Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?"
The Invisible Man says, "I don't know, but it hurt like hell."
A few years ago a new show titled Justice League was created and aired on the Cartoon Network. It was basically aimed toward young kids but I've seen a few episodes. Hey, sometimes brainless entertainment is just nice. Heck, it was a lot better than the orignal 1950's Superman TV shows. Anyway, I caught a nuance that I am sure was well over the heads of most of the children that the show was intended for. Batman and Superman call each other by their actual first names. Batman calls Superman Clark and Superman calls Batman Bruce. I was a bit suprised at first, but at least it's better than 'Bat' and 'Sup'. The strange thing, however, was that even though everyone seemed to know about Batman's Wayne Enterprises, not once does Superman show up to the Daily Planet for work.
I think Jimmy Olsen got him fired.
By the way, this entire 'Superman' themed entry was merely inspired by the glass I chose to pour my beer into tonight. It's a very old and faded Superman glass that I think Chick bought at some garage sale for some unknown reason. But hey - now it's inspiration.
For two years in grade school I had a very intimidating social studies teacher named Mr. T. (No, not that Mr. T, but just as intimidating, at least to 11 year old kids) In retrospect he was an excellent teacher and an even better man. His teaching concept involved 'taking notes'. He always told us that teaching us how to take proper notes would help us in high school and eventually college. Of course he was right but at the time it seemed more like corporal punishment. Anyway, there was a kid in our class named Chris Reed and for some time Mr. T often referred to Chris as Superman. Until one day, someone informed him that the actor who portrayed Superman in the movie was actually named Christopher Reeves - not Reed. Mr. T had a look of dismay on his face and he asked the class why we all let him be so mistaken. I remember him distinctly saying, with a large grin, that even he, the best teacher we would ever have, was allowed to make a mistake once in a while. I don't think many kids were intimidated by him after that. But not just because he made a mistake - he was just another human being like the rest of us. Except, of course, Clark Kent.
Here's a picture that I have used for an occasional fantasy team, always called the Superbabes:
I have a recollection of an interview with Michael Stipe regarding the R.E.M. song Superman from the album Lifes Rich Pageant. He basically said that he was embarrased by the song and it was the worst thing that he ever wrote. It's most likely that he was exaggerating in the interview as much as he did in the song. It was obviously written during a very painful time for him regarding a relationship gone bad and his jealousy resulting from it. You don't really love that guy you make it with now do you? I know you don't love that guy 'cause I can see right through you. I am Superman. A few years later the Spin Doctors wrote another Superman jealousy type song titled Jimmy Olsen's Blues. It's less somber than the R.E.M. song yet it still resonates. Jimmy doesn't stand a chance at nailing Lois as long as Superman is around. Unless, of course, he's got some Kryptonite in his pants.
One day while flying around looking to stop a few crimes Superman spots Wonder Woman stark naked and lying on her back spread-eagle. He thinks, "hey, I'm Superman. I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quickie and fly back and she won't even know it." So Superman flies down, has a quick in-and-out-in-and-out and flies back at the speed of light.
Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?"
The Invisible Man says, "I don't know, but it hurt like hell."
A few years ago a new show titled Justice League was created and aired on the Cartoon Network. It was basically aimed toward young kids but I've seen a few episodes. Hey, sometimes brainless entertainment is just nice. Heck, it was a lot better than the orignal 1950's Superman TV shows. Anyway, I caught a nuance that I am sure was well over the heads of most of the children that the show was intended for. Batman and Superman call each other by their actual first names. Batman calls Superman Clark and Superman calls Batman Bruce. I was a bit suprised at first, but at least it's better than 'Bat' and 'Sup'. The strange thing, however, was that even though everyone seemed to know about Batman's Wayne Enterprises, not once does Superman show up to the Daily Planet for work.
I think Jimmy Olsen got him fired.
By the way, this entire 'Superman' themed entry was merely inspired by the glass I chose to pour my beer into tonight. It's a very old and faded Superman glass that I think Chick bought at some garage sale for some unknown reason. But hey - now it's inspiration.
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