Two Days in Bombay

I have spent the last two days working at a company that is owned and managed by Indians. That is, people from India - not people incorrectly identified as Indians, but more on that later. I have to admit that I do not have much experience with Indians. Most of what I know about India comes from the movie Ghandi, studying the Kama Sutra, the Beatles friendship with the Maharishi and from Apu on the Simpsons. In recent times I have seen various reports on 60 Minutes regarding Indian schools and businesses and I have developed a curiosity regarding Indian people and their culture. When recently asked what country I thought would be the next great empire, as the United States fades, I suggested India. I was immediately reminded that much of their people live in poverty and starve in the streets. Apparently, unlike here, they do not make their homeless register with their local city hall. But I can’t really make a great argument for why India might be the next great nation - I am really just curious to learn more about it.

Early on Monday morning I had a conversation with an Indian man. Just small talk really. He has been in the U.S. for nine years. It turns out we attended the same college and we both attended high schools of the same name. My St. Xavier was in Cincinnati while his was in New Delhi. The conversation only went so far as to how nice the weekend was and how we both did some yard work. I, of course, mentioned the overabundance of Dandelions in my front yard. He looked perplexed. "Dandelions?"
"Yeah, you know, the little yellow weeds that seem to grow everywhere." Apparently there are no Dandelions and maybe even no weeds in India. So I gave him a brief explanation.
"Those are weeds? Those pretty yellow flowers are weeds and they will take over my yard unless I kill them? That is too bad. They are so pretty."
I know.

With more thought, I realize that in my studies I have read a few things regarding India. When I was in London ten years ago I read and attended the play Indian Ink by Tom Stoppard. I can’t say I remember much of it though, and perhaps I should read it again. I do remember that the lead actress had a nude scene. I have also read one of the more critically acclaimed modern novels titled White Teeth, by Zadie Smith. It does not actually take place in India, but it deals with an Indian man raising his children in modern-day England. I have also read Life of Pi, which I enjoyed greatly. A friend told me that he wished the book dealt more with the religious and spiritual aspects of the character. But I mostly enjoyed the creativity of the ending. There is more than one way to tell a story and sometimes the more creative, the better.

At what point do you think Columbus realized he did not reach India? Okay, I understand that this guy was looking for a different route to India and his reasoning of how to get there was, if not genius, at least revolutionary. So he lands on an island that he thinks is part of India, he sees some people and calls them Indians. Makes perfectly good sense! But if by the time he headed back to Spain he knew he hadn’t found India, then why continue to call the people Indians? Maybe he didn’t really know. So how many trips did it take, going back and forth over a rather large ocean, before he realized he hadn’t found India? Did the Pilgrims who landed on Plymouth Rock think that they were in India? That was only a little more than 100 years later. And as Hallmark history goes, the first Thanksgiving took place between the Pilgrims and Indians. They had a deep fried turkey, oyster stuffing, cranberry jelly from a can and watched the Cowboys beat up the Buffalo Bills. Maybe it was the Native Americans themselves who continued the misnomer: "White man call us Indian. We no live in India. Stupid white man. But no point argue with white man. What we care. It only name. Stupid shmucks."

This morning I woke up with my head throbbing. It wasn’t the usual too-many-beers headache. It was a concentrated pain right in the middle of my forehead. As it turns out, it was a very large zit. Looking in the mirror, I realized it wasn’t the type of pimple that was going to puss all over and create a huge whitehead. It was the kind that was going to grow unnoticed under the skin and cause me discomfort every time I blinked. Throughout the day I thought that everyone I saw was staring at this large protruding golfball on my forehead. People in cars passed me, laughing and pointing at their rear-view mirror. I swear the girl at the burger joint asked for her break right as it was my turn to order. And as I sit hear now with my pets I know they are thinking about it. Queenie, the smart dog, thinks "wow, I’m glad I have fur on my face." King Elvis, the not so smart dog thinks, "oh boy, I wish I could lick that. Ooh, ooh, ooh I bet that thing tastes good. If only he let me lick it!" And then there is Jack the cat. He looks at me and meows in a whiny sort of way. I interpret it to mean, "So you have a zit. I’d still eat you if you were dead."
If while reading this, you are remembering the Indian theme of the piece, you realize where I am headed. Working with Indian people all day and then knowing I will be working with them again the next day, I have psychosomatically caused this pimple to grow on my forehead, just so I could have a "dot" and be like them. I honestly don’t even know what that "dot" means or stands for. I really don’t even know that the "dot" is exclusive to Indian people. Come to think of it, I can only recall women displaying the "dot". So before this turns into an episode of Seinfeld, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I need to look up the "dot."
I found a pretty cool website, www.indianmirror.com. Not only does it explain the Tilak or Dot or Bindi, it gives some good detail about many other Hindu and Indian cultural aspects. Did you know that the Swastik was a Hindu symbol before being adopted by the Aryans? I always thought it was Christian. If you have time, which I doubt after reading this long, drawn-out, useless diatribe, then check it out.
By the way, I also found a very good Kama Sutra site - animated. But you’ll have to google that one on your own.

While at work today I noticed two very strange looking insects. The first was black with yellow dots and had amber-tinted, transparent wings. The second had orange stripes, and although it had wings, walked in a very zig-zag manner. It may have had more than twelve legs and certainly had at least three abdomen. Upon seeing the second of these unusual bugs, I thought to myself, "they sure do have some unusual insects in India." It only took me a few seconds to realize that I was in the middle of Ohio.
Stupid shmuck.