Top Ten Reasons Why it is Awesome Being a Stay-at-Home Dad.
10) The Wardrobe
I used to wear a coat and tie to work every day. Now I live in jeans and a t-shirt. But what's even better than my daily attire is that I get to dress my daughter every day. She already told me she doesn't like frilly pink outfits so jeans and a t-shirt is perfect for her too!
9) The Price Is Right
Honestly, I don't watch TPIR every day. As a matter of fact, lately I have been keeping the TV turned off. But it's nice to know that every day at 11:00 I can watch one of my favorite all-time shows. Today Tyra Banks filled in as one of Barker's Beauties. I think I saw Bob cop a feel. "Hey Tyra! You left your toothbrush at my place!"
8) The Beard
Okay, so that may be a stretch. But if I could grow a decent beard I would. The point is, I don't have to shave everyday. I don't have to present a clean-shaven appearance for a boss or a customer. I can shave whenever I want to. Or at least until Chick says, "Hey - George Michael wannabe! Shave already!"
7) Starbucks
Before I detail this point, let me just state that I can't believe that my local Starbucks was out of Cinnamon Dolce Latte mix two days in a row. In protest, I did not even attempt to get one today. Let's see how long they can survive without my $3.85 every day.
6) A Clean House
Although we have certainly taken a step back with the purchase of our current home, I think it is the best we have had. It's not my favorite - both of our previous homes were awesome. But now we are living in a nice sensible house. I don't think our last house was ever completely clean. It had 14 rooms, 5 bathrooms and 11 sinks - we counted. Now we live in a house that I can keep clean every day and that fact alone makes it much better.
5) GetSportsInfo
What started out as a hobby has actually turned into some work for me. I enjoy writing and my involvement with GSI has been great. Recently I have taken a more serious role in the company and I am beginning to reap some awards. But I'm still just happy writing sports articles. You may be able to find my latest piece on the site about the top-ten spring training headlines. And in the next week I will have another 3 articles up on the site.
4) It's Different
I have never been one to follow a normal course of action. And my decision to stay at home with my daughter is a perfect example. I like doing things that differ from what people expect. And I have found that many people appreciate what I am doing. In the past eight months I can't tell you how many women have told me how great it is that I take care of my daughter. Of course I could do without the old men in the grocery store saying, "oh look at that cute little guy! He's just like daddy." Look you old fart! She has a vagina!
3) Naps
Morgan still takes 3 naps every day. I'm trying to get it down to 2, but she is just not willing. And that's okay because I take 2 naps every day. I wouldn't really have to except for the fact that I stay up late writing stupid blog postings for all of you to enjoy. Okay, that excuse probably doesn't work. Oh what the hell - screw you. I get to stay at home so I get 2 naps! Bite me!
2) Monday's
Actually this part might be better titled 'Sunday's.' No one in the business world really likes Monday's. But Sunday nights were much worse for me. I never used to be able to relax and enjoy a Sunday evening because I always knew that I had to get up for work the next day. Now, all that has changed. The worst thing I have to do on Monday is clean up after Chick being home all weekend. After I do that I can watch The Price Is Right and take a nap.
1) Mo
Bert has Ernie. Batman has Robin. Chico has the Man. I've got Mo. Somewhere in the relatively near future I am going to have to ground Mo for something bad that she did. And not long after that I am sure she will slam her bedroom door and have some choice words for me. But for now Mo is just my little baby girl. And my best friend. We sit together and watch the Price Is Right. I like to fan her with the newspaper. She likes to tear the daily crossword puzzle out of my hands. We both like crackers and grape juice in the afternoon. And we both smile when Chick comes home every night. It's a pretty good life for all of us.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Wednesday Night with Otis
First of all, I do need to sincerely apologize if I offended any of the regular visitors of the Garden with the last posting. I think most of you took it all in the humor that it was intended. For those of you that got a little pissy, please remember that everything in the Garden is fiction.
Along those same lines, I am looking forward to working with Kelly. I hope she sends along some good material that we can reap and sow together. Of course Kelly, if you don't send me anything I can always make up some really nasty stuff and give you full credit. It's your choice really. Hmmmph.
And to wrap up the previous post, there were still 2 anonymous comments! Don't worry, I have a very good idea who you are and I will see to it that you pay accordingly. (If anything, I'll just write really long holiday stories that lead to nothing but make you waste 15 minutes of your life by reading them.)
On to the nothingness...
I am completely addicted to Curling. Yeah, I've actually been watching a lot of the Olympics which is difficult to admit in the first place. But Curling is on twice a day. I get it live and in HD during the morning hours. Then in the early evening CNBC broadcasts a taped match. The U.S. men's team is doing better than the women but the Johnson sisters are hot. Unfortunately, I don't think they are in the Women of Curling Calendar. Yes, it exists. As a matter of fact it's making a lot of news as it features sexy and semi-nude photos of some of the world's best female Curlers. I've got to get one.
Tommorrow I have to apologize to the Starbucks woman who works the drive-thru. But first she has to explain to me how they were OUT of Cinnamon Dolce Latte. It just doesn't make sense to me.
You may be wondering why Otis is planting his seed on Wednesday night. Yeah, I'm downing a few. Mo and Chick are both in bed so I have a little 'ME' time. And the way my life works these days the only difference between the weekend and a weekday is how much time Chick spends at home. So why not drink a few beers on Wednseday night?
I finished our taxes today. What a pain in the ass. I wonder how many people just don't do it? I mean it's really a pain even with TurboTax. And I'm still looking for the little boxes to designate where I want my taxes to go. That actually may be a good way to show how you support the troops. "Yeah I support our troops. I bought this little magnetic ribbon that I put on my car and I checked the box on my taxes that designated $10 goes to body armor." Actually I'm looking for a box to pay for Dick Cheney's shooting range lessons. Or at least a trip to the optometrist. (Insert rim-shot here.)
Do you know that the lowest possible score in Yahtzee is 5?
I just noticed that this is my fifth posting this month. I'm not sure what my record is for one month and I don't feel like doing the research but I am on a pretty good pace. Honestly, it's nice to know people read this crap. It is a large part of why I write it. That, and I'm just bored. (Here comes that nastiness again.)
What's more incredible than my five posts is that in the Circling Buzzards there has already been 4 deaths. And that doesn't count Ariel Sharon (C'mon - he's seen his last peace talks.) At this point last year we had only one death. Currently we are on pace for picking over 40 dead people! That would have to be some sort of Death Pool record.
Along those same lines, I am looking forward to working with Kelly. I hope she sends along some good material that we can reap and sow together. Of course Kelly, if you don't send me anything I can always make up some really nasty stuff and give you full credit. It's your choice really. Hmmmph.
And to wrap up the previous post, there were still 2 anonymous comments! Don't worry, I have a very good idea who you are and I will see to it that you pay accordingly. (If anything, I'll just write really long holiday stories that lead to nothing but make you waste 15 minutes of your life by reading them.)
On to the nothingness...
I am completely addicted to Curling. Yeah, I've actually been watching a lot of the Olympics which is difficult to admit in the first place. But Curling is on twice a day. I get it live and in HD during the morning hours. Then in the early evening CNBC broadcasts a taped match. The U.S. men's team is doing better than the women but the Johnson sisters are hot. Unfortunately, I don't think they are in the Women of Curling Calendar. Yes, it exists. As a matter of fact it's making a lot of news as it features sexy and semi-nude photos of some of the world's best female Curlers. I've got to get one.
Tommorrow I have to apologize to the Starbucks woman who works the drive-thru. But first she has to explain to me how they were OUT of Cinnamon Dolce Latte. It just doesn't make sense to me.
You may be wondering why Otis is planting his seed on Wednesday night. Yeah, I'm downing a few. Mo and Chick are both in bed so I have a little 'ME' time. And the way my life works these days the only difference between the weekend and a weekday is how much time Chick spends at home. So why not drink a few beers on Wednseday night?
I finished our taxes today. What a pain in the ass. I wonder how many people just don't do it? I mean it's really a pain even with TurboTax. And I'm still looking for the little boxes to designate where I want my taxes to go. That actually may be a good way to show how you support the troops. "Yeah I support our troops. I bought this little magnetic ribbon that I put on my car and I checked the box on my taxes that designated $10 goes to body armor." Actually I'm looking for a box to pay for Dick Cheney's shooting range lessons. Or at least a trip to the optometrist. (Insert rim-shot here.)
Do you know that the lowest possible score in Yahtzee is 5?
I just noticed that this is my fifth posting this month. I'm not sure what my record is for one month and I don't feel like doing the research but I am on a pretty good pace. Honestly, it's nice to know people read this crap. It is a large part of why I write it. That, and I'm just bored. (Here comes that nastiness again.)
What's more incredible than my five posts is that in the Circling Buzzards there has already been 4 deaths. And that doesn't count Ariel Sharon (C'mon - he's seen his last peace talks.) At this point last year we had only one death. Currently we are on pace for picking over 40 dead people! That would have to be some sort of Death Pool record.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Customer Appreciation Day
I have just noticed that my counter is very close to hitting the 4,000 mark. When I started this blog just a little more than 2 years ago I had no idea that so many people would have visited the garden. Sure, I realize that a good part of that 4,000 was me checking things out. And sometimes I forced Chick to read some of the postings. And, of course, there is no way to prove the site-counter is really accurate. But I guess I'm proud of what I have grown in this Garden. Much has changed blah blah blah blah blah blah
What a bunch of shit.
Look you mother fuckers I could put something in this Garden every day if I ever really knew anyone ever gave a crap. But all I get is a few random comments from people who aren't willing to leave their name. I put myself out here with every post - the least you can do is acknowledge your presence!
Wait - I'm sorry. I shouldn't scold my loyal following. It shouldn't matter that some people are willing to contribute to life while others merely wallow in pools of jelly. Oh - I've done it again. I have offended the very people I need for sustenance. Son-of-a-bitch, I need a class in tact.
So I feel that I need to make ammends with those of you that regulary visit the garden. My harsh language is certainly uncalled for. Those of you that have RSS feeds informing you of a posting or those who simply have the Garden listed in your Bookmarks - you are the reason for life. You are the agar of the petri dish. The rest of you are mold. You show up occassionally just to see whether or not I correctly typed the word 'occcassionnlly'. And the problem with all of you is that I still don't know how to spell 'occassionalyy!'
So here it is - be the 4000th person to visit the Garden and win a trip to, well, the Garden. It's that simple. If you check the site meter and you are 4,000 you get to collaborate with me, Otis, the author. And together we will plant a seed among the Dandelions.
What a bunch of shit.
Look you mother fuckers I could put something in this Garden every day if I ever really knew anyone ever gave a crap. But all I get is a few random comments from people who aren't willing to leave their name. I put myself out here with every post - the least you can do is acknowledge your presence!
Wait - I'm sorry. I shouldn't scold my loyal following. It shouldn't matter that some people are willing to contribute to life while others merely wallow in pools of jelly. Oh - I've done it again. I have offended the very people I need for sustenance. Son-of-a-bitch, I need a class in tact.
So I feel that I need to make ammends with those of you that regulary visit the garden. My harsh language is certainly uncalled for. Those of you that have RSS feeds informing you of a posting or those who simply have the Garden listed in your Bookmarks - you are the reason for life. You are the agar of the petri dish. The rest of you are mold. You show up occassionally just to see whether or not I correctly typed the word 'occcassionnlly'. And the problem with all of you is that I still don't know how to spell 'occassionalyy!'
So here it is - be the 4000th person to visit the Garden and win a trip to, well, the Garden. It's that simple. If you check the site meter and you are 4,000 you get to collaborate with me, Otis, the author. And together we will plant a seed among the Dandelions.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Buddy Holly
As most of the regular visitors to the Garden know, we have a frog. Actually we have a few pets. Two dogs, one cat and a frog. We had some goldfish but currently the tanks are empty. In the past we have had geckoes and anoles but now only a lonely frog lives in the terrarium. Of course he's not really alone. There are a few crickets living with him that are supposed to be his food. Frogs are hunters and they prefer to capture live prey. But for some reason our frog is not hungry today. And there has been a cricket chirping in the tank ALL DAY LONG.
In some ways the gentle chirping of a cricket recalls warm summer evenings. In other ways it's really fucking annoying. I've tried to find the cricket and shove him out into the open. But he is well hidden in the foliage. I've talked to the frog in an attempt at encouragement. But his only reply has been "Hello my baby, hello my darlin', hello my ragtime gal!"
So now I'm just sitting here on Saturday night listening to some old R.E.M. (Life's Rich Pageant) and as I hear the cricket in the distant background I realize how much Michael Stipe sounds like an insect. And actually if you see some of his early photos, he looks like a bug. It's amazing how things are connected.
And that brings us back to the title of this piece. Did you know that The Beatles came up with their name out of respect for Buddy Holly and the Crickets? It's true - go ahead and look it up if you like. But it kind of makes you wonder how the Flaming Lips got their name. Or not, really.
In some ways the gentle chirping of a cricket recalls warm summer evenings. In other ways it's really fucking annoying. I've tried to find the cricket and shove him out into the open. But he is well hidden in the foliage. I've talked to the frog in an attempt at encouragement. But his only reply has been "Hello my baby, hello my darlin', hello my ragtime gal!"
So now I'm just sitting here on Saturday night listening to some old R.E.M. (Life's Rich Pageant) and as I hear the cricket in the distant background I realize how much Michael Stipe sounds like an insect. And actually if you see some of his early photos, he looks like a bug. It's amazing how things are connected.
And that brings us back to the title of this piece. Did you know that The Beatles came up with their name out of respect for Buddy Holly and the Crickets? It's true - go ahead and look it up if you like. But it kind of makes you wonder how the Flaming Lips got their name. Or not, really.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Daily
I don't know why I can't plant something in the garden every day. There are plenty of things going on in the world. I try to stay away from politics as the subject only kills the weeds. And so much of life has to do with politics nowadays. Unfortunately I have fallen behind when it comes to pop culture. I know U2 won a bunch of awards last night but I stopped listening to them fifteen years ago. How long do you think it will take before they are making fools of themselves during a halftime show? And that leads to the topic of sports. This is the absolute worst time of year for sports. What should we talk about the NBA or the NHL? Do they both still exist? All I know is that pitchers and catchers report next Thursday. But enough of athleticism, let's think about the Olympics. My favorite event has to be curling. There is little doubt in my mind that within the next 46 Olympic games curling will overtake figure skating in popularity. I mean, who in the hell wants to see little girls ice skate? Especially when you can watch 50 year-old men sweeping brooms down the sheet so the rock lands in the house. Okay, so maybe the luge is still more exciting, but can we just get rid of figure skating? Or at least combine figure skating with gymnastics? I'd like to see Kerri Strug do the parallel bars wearing razor sharp skates. That might get my attention.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
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