Does everyone spend their evenings on-line? I do most of the time and tonight will be no exception. I am particularly heavy into sports this evening but I have a few other tidbits to share. By the way, HD TV is awesome. I'm currently watching a baseball game on HD and waiting for two different pre-season football games to start. All in HD. If I was paying $5 for a beer I would think that I'm sitting in the stadium. Instead, I have a 30-pack of Miller High Life and a flat screen on the wall.
Just before 7:00 I made a few bets that we're going to track through the evening. I've got the Mets and the Nationals under 7, the Indians and Orioles over 9 and the Pirates and Phils under 9. I've been making bets on-line for a few months. I primarily bet on baseball but I won a few bucks on Tiger Woods over the weekend. The things that you can bet on are incredible. I can bet on who will have more hits and runs between Edgar Renteria and Chone Figgins. I can bet the Bengals and Redskins will score more than 38 in tonight's preseason game. Or I can bet who will win the Emmy for Best Actress - my vote goes to Teri Hatcher.
As of 7:43 the Mets and Nationals are tied 0-0. The Indians and Orioles are tied 0-0. And the Pirates are beating the Phils 4-0.
If you are looking for something to do tomorrow you could attend the funeral of Hunter S. Thompson. The writer, who committed suicide this past February, will have his remains shot off with fireworks in Colorado. His ashes are expected to rest on his property referred to as "psychic anchor." There will also be many drinks served at a specially made bar said to resemble a "lounge atmosphere." The entire event is being paid for by actor Johnny Depp who portrayed Thompson in the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
The Rolling Stones are hitting the road again. I got to see them live about 15 years ago when I thought it would be my last chance to catch the veteran rockers. If you still haven't seen them, don't worry about it. You can save 100 bucks by getting your uncle Mortimer drunk on whiskey, handing him a guitar and telling him to walk around like a chicken. Oh yeah, don't forget the cigarette hanging from his mouth.
An NFL Newborn Set that includes a onesie, bib and footies only costs $20. If I win all 3 bets tonight I think I'll buy it. But I'm not sure what team to get. Chargers? Steelers? Bengals? Patriots?
UPDATE: Mets 0, Nationals 0 - Orioles 1, Indians 1 - Pirates 6, Phillies 1
You may know that for the past few years Snoop Dogg has been coaching his sons' little league football team. This year, he is managing an entire league. He lowered the typical cost of joining a league from $175 to $100 per player. That money covers equipment. He has also established the 'Snooperbowl' - a game played the day before the Superbowl. "It's so easy for a kid to join a gang, to do drugs," Snoop said. "We should make it that easy to be involved in football and academics." Although I am sure I could find something funny in all this, I'm really just impressed. I think this country could use more people like Snoop Dogg. No, really!
Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Band are very underrated.
According to a study by scientist in Scottland, redheads can tolerate more pain. Apparently a study involving redheaded mice (wouldn't that be red-bodied?) showed that the animals with red hair were able to withstand higher pain thresholds. But, this was only true of the females. So redheaded women can put up with more shit. If that's true, can you imagine what Desi did to get dumped by Lucy? Or who?
The Pirates just went up 10 to 1 on the Phillies. The pitcher hit a Home Run. Damn! That's one loss. So much for Morgan's cheerleading outfit. In the meantime the Mets beat the Nationals 1-0 and the Indians and Oriols are tied at 4. That's a win and at least a push. I'll end up down a buck or up 3. Either way, I don't think I'll be making my fortune in on-line gambling.
Wandering through the Dandelion Garden you may come across a variety of characters in my world. Some are living people, some just live in my head. Nicknames are often used to protect the innocent – and the guilty. There is Chick and the Thrill and Otis among many others. But most of the time you’ll be hanging out with Jim – a pretty good guy.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Feces
I deal with a lot of crap everyday. I don't mean that figuratively. I don't have an unruly boss to deal with. I don't have a moronic job to trudge through for eight hours. I stay at home to take care of my daughter, along with a few pets. So, I actually have to deal with crap. Poop. Shit. Caca. Doody. Tootsie Rolls in your shorts.
Morgan is currently between 'stages' in diapers. A number 1 is sometimes too small to hold a healthy movement. But the number 2 is often not on very tight and sometimes we get a 'leg-runner'. Yesterday she turned a blue jumper into a shade of green resembling spoiled olives. And by the way, if formula has such an extreme effect on her poop, should she really be eating it? What's that stuff doing to her stomach?!?!
When Chick and I first got Jack, the cat, we made a deal - I feed him every morning and she changes the cat litter once a week. Yeah, I was pretty happy with the deal. But since she got pregnant I have been changing the litter. Apparently there is some theory about pregnant women coming into contact with cat shit. I think Oprah made it up one day just to give women one more thing to nag their husband about. Anyway, the pregnancy is long over and yet I'm still on litter duty. I think I need a new deal.
The Anole died the other day. All I can say is that a lizards funeral is much less glamorous than that of a hermit crab. Anyway, the frog, Little Guy, has the entire terrarium to himself. I'm about to clean it out just to determine how much poop one little frog creates. You wouldn't think it would be much - he only eats crickets. And why does he have to poop on the glass walls? I think he likes to see how many poops it takes before he can't see out anymore.
During my daily constitutionals I play Yahtzee. No, I'm not throwing dice in the bathroom sink. It's an electric, hand-held game. I play one throw of the dice then score it. That takes about 13 rolls and I usually manage to score around 120. I play ten times and shoot for 1300. Unlees I had Mexican for dinner. Then I have a shot at 3000.
I have to mow the lawn. My damn neighbor mowed yesterday and it's making me look bad. Of course before getting out the mower I need to get out the scooper and bucket. Believe it or not I can tell which pile of dog shit was King's and which was Queen's. King's shit is very large and long while Queenie shits little golf balls. If you think that's ridiculous then think about how they tell each other apart.
By the way, if you found any of that to be interesting, you may be constipated.
Morgan is currently between 'stages' in diapers. A number 1 is sometimes too small to hold a healthy movement. But the number 2 is often not on very tight and sometimes we get a 'leg-runner'. Yesterday she turned a blue jumper into a shade of green resembling spoiled olives. And by the way, if formula has such an extreme effect on her poop, should she really be eating it? What's that stuff doing to her stomach?!?!
When Chick and I first got Jack, the cat, we made a deal - I feed him every morning and she changes the cat litter once a week. Yeah, I was pretty happy with the deal. But since she got pregnant I have been changing the litter. Apparently there is some theory about pregnant women coming into contact with cat shit. I think Oprah made it up one day just to give women one more thing to nag their husband about. Anyway, the pregnancy is long over and yet I'm still on litter duty. I think I need a new deal.
The Anole died the other day. All I can say is that a lizards funeral is much less glamorous than that of a hermit crab. Anyway, the frog, Little Guy, has the entire terrarium to himself. I'm about to clean it out just to determine how much poop one little frog creates. You wouldn't think it would be much - he only eats crickets. And why does he have to poop on the glass walls? I think he likes to see how many poops it takes before he can't see out anymore.
During my daily constitutionals I play Yahtzee. No, I'm not throwing dice in the bathroom sink. It's an electric, hand-held game. I play one throw of the dice then score it. That takes about 13 rolls and I usually manage to score around 120. I play ten times and shoot for 1300. Unlees I had Mexican for dinner. Then I have a shot at 3000.
I have to mow the lawn. My damn neighbor mowed yesterday and it's making me look bad. Of course before getting out the mower I need to get out the scooper and bucket. Believe it or not I can tell which pile of dog shit was King's and which was Queen's. King's shit is very large and long while Queenie shits little golf balls. If you think that's ridiculous then think about how they tell each other apart.
By the way, if you found any of that to be interesting, you may be constipated.
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